What happened to the AMERICAN DREAM

What Happened to the AMERICAN DREAM?

Who am I? What am I? Where am I going? Why do they hate me? Do they have reason to hate me? Why do I want to be here so much? I have struggled with these questions my adult life, desperately wanting direction in my life, wanting to know what was expected of me. I am lost in a chaotic world, where in one side they tell me, you are not American, you crossed the border, and thus, not deserving to call yourself American. I am torn between the country that gave me birth, and the nation which forges my soul, made me strong, and showed me that nothing is above principles.

I have lived 15 plus years of my 21 years in the United States of America, I bleed red, blue, and white as well as green. Unlike many of my DREAMer friends I consider myself Mexican and American. I migrated to the US when I was 6 years old, I have only but a glimpse of memories. I am Mexican, because my mother is Mexican, I could never deny that, Mexico though rough forged my mother, and I must acknowledge where I came from in order to know where I am going. 
Why am I American? Who decides what is American? What does it mean to be American? Who monopolized Americans? How does it feel to have your dreams crushed? How does it feel to fail your parents? I don’t know what is to be an American; I thought I knew, but that idea was shattered when the financial advisor for an university said I am sorry your scholarship is discontinued. She felt my pain, I can remember that day as it was yesterday, it was a gloomy February morning, it had rained earlier and I sat on a bench watching the students head to class, shocked and devastated. I cried, but no tears came out, I yell in anger, but no noise was heard, I promised myself that I will prove them wrong. I will succeed. Nothing can or will stop. I still don’t know who they are, I can’t put a face to them, but know it seems clear to me, that I should not fear them. They should fear me. For history, has taught us anything is that, a man’s bones may be crushed, but his spirit will endure all. My spirit is strong, no matter how many legislation, bills, laws, says that I am un-American. I will tell them what is it to be American? Is it a 9-digit number? Is it the place of birth? Or is it your values and principles? The fact that I migrated when six years old to a new land, learned a new Language, tested in the top 75% of standardized exams, graduated to p 10 of high school graduating class, have no criminal record, and contribute to the betterment of our society. I still don’t know, but I want to know how does it feel to be “AMERICAN.” The DREAM Act will make this true for me, and many other talented youth across this great nation of ours.
My life is nothing but dream. A dream of a mother seeking a better, a dream of a sister not wanting the dreams of her little brother be crushed as where hers, the dream of a brother that he will not lose hope as he did, for he knows works in the hot Arizonan summers, desperately trying to better his life. The Dream of a father, who too often was told that he couldn’t succeed, too often that he too believed it. I am the hopes and dreams of a family, as the first person to obtain a college education. I remember the summer of 2006; it was then that I realized I had what it took to be a college man. My teachers had always told me, you should go to go college be an engineer you are good in the sciences, be a mathematician you are great in math, be an economist you excel in economics, or be a historian you were the two time social studies student of the year. I knew I had potential, there was never a doubt, but I never thought I belong with ranks of the college people. Until then, when my elder of my sisters told you will be the first in our family to attend college. She looked squarely in the eye, she said “ Rafita tu vas hacer el primero que se gradué de la universidad de esta familia,” with such certitude that I haven’t doubted it since. Earlier that day I had cried out of frustration. All my life I had been able to solve math problems, yes I had my fair share of difficulty mastering Algebra, but nothing like Calculus. Truth be told I received A on my last 3 exams of the course, after having received 2 D’s, one 2 C and a B on my previous exams. I finished the course with a B, the proudest grade I have ever received till date.

They graduate high school with such promise, but its promise that’s all. Some are lucky and pursue a college education. Many become professionals, but they are reduced to hard labor in order to survive. Pick onions under the hot Arizonan sun, frame houses with mechanical engineering degrees. America' greatness was not founded on this. I listen every night on talk shows, don't they understand they are illegal. I ask them do you understand the harshness of reality outside the US. Don't you understand the adversity that DREAM students face?
Don't you understand the improbability of a kid from Herecuaro, Guanajuato, Mexico obtaining a college education? When no-one is his family could, when no-one is his town ever could. Do you understand that in order to provide for his family at age 13 he woke up at 4am on Saturday mornings to work in construction with his father? 
Don’t you understand that 120 degrees for him is nothing, but a mindset. Do you understand that 4.0 GPA in middle school means nothing. For he can’t come home as a failure, how could he fail his mother, fail his father, fail his siblings. He comes come battered, bruised, burn, exhausted, but proud. That pride carries his dreams to reach college. He can’t imagine another summer like this one. Sadly, more summers keep on coming. He is building Fulton homes, Shea homes, customs in north Scottsdale, retirement homes for the people that hate him, all the while dreaming of time where he will be able to live in one of those. 
All the while he excels in school, he knows too much to fail. He knows the life that awaits him if he doesn’t succeed. He succeeds, graduates top ten of his graduating class, student athlete of the year, math student of the year, social studies student of the year, with 21 college hours, with full-ride scholarships. Attends prestigious summer programs like John Hopkins center for Talented youth as an incoming high school freshmen, as well, as the Math Science Honors Program as a senior in high school. There is a glaring difference for him above all else, he is illegal. All those nights studying are for nothing. Prop 300 did what the desert couldn’t, broke his spirit. His story doesn’t end there, it can’t, he won’t let it end. He was overcome so much, his family has sacrificed too much to give up now. His fortitude will not be broken, his dream will continue, for he is a DREAMer.
A personal story that has haunted me for years, when I would run track in high school I would kill in the practices, go all out, never being afraid of fading out, of cramps, or of injury. The pain was just another obstacle in my path to the finish line, but in races it was different. I was afraid. I wouldn't run with the same determination. I would make excuses, and always run slower. My coach would say what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? I couldn’t answer him. I still can't. I would quit on myself, I know that now. Thinking I that there is established places for some, and for others there wasn't. The DREAM Act movement has taught me I can be what I am willing to fight for. There is no reason to be afraid. No reason to hold back. No reason to try and fail. Failure is only a word, that you give significance when you acknowledge it. Failure is you giving up on yourself. Life goes on. NO matter what happens life goes on. Life goes on.

The DREAM Act may die in Congress like it has done so in the past. I may not have the financial means to attend college this year. I may be deported if I am stopped by the Maricopa’s sheriff’s department. The DREAM Act may pass, I may continue my education and graduate in May with a Mechanical Engineering degree from ASU, or I will continue to work under the table. Any one of these outcomes may come to fruition, all is uncertain. All I know is that life goes on. My dreams, what makes me will not die or will not be accomplished in the near future. It takes a lifetime to achieve a dream, no one can my end my dream, the only way to kill a dream is to stop living. Life goes on, no matter what happens life will go on.